rotobadgerblog

From Boy to Man...and Back Again.

 

I collect vintage toy robots.  I’ve loved toy robots since I first saw Star Wars in 1977 and, to this day, they have an emotional impact on me.  When people I know (and people I don’t know) come to my house, they look in my office and really don’t know how to react.  I’m a full-grown man who, at times, competed at bodybuilding.  At my biggest I weighed 230 pounds at 5’8’’ tall.  Big muscular guy collects little toy robots.  Yeah, you’re starting to piece together a rough psychological profile aren’t you?  Oh, it gets better.  I love Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica too.  I have my office decorated with a full size BSG emblem, a screen-used uniform from Star Trek “Generations” the movie, a screen used bulletin board from Commander Tucker’s quarters from the show “Enterprise” and more.  WTF Man-Boy?  What the fuck indeed.

I don’t need to go into why I am such a Sci-Fi geek as it would be a long boring story.  Suffice to say that I am, and always have been.  My childhood friend, Rodney, turned me on to Star Trek.  We were really into Logan’s Run at the time and were taking turns yelling “Runner!” at each other until one day Rodney said that we should play Star Trek.  I was a little hesitant as I was only vaguely familiar with the show.  My sister had attended a Star Trek convention (it sounded mysterious and exotic) and that was about all I knew about it.  But it didn’t take long for me to fall completely in love.  I became so obsessed with the show that I would tape episodes on my father’s Panasonic cassette recorder.  You can even hear my sister coming home mid-way through “A Piece of the Action” and me frantically shushing her so she wouldn’t ruin my recording.

So, why was science fiction so important to me?  Beyond the typical craziness that boys my age went through for Star Wars, it had a lot to do with the fantasy of escaping and going someplace else.  I would imagine myself as a member of the crew of the Enterprise or finding a wardrobe and ending up in Narnia.  Now, as an adult, I can see why franchises like these are so popular.  Almost all of the sci-fi/fantasy movies, shows and books that are successful with kids and young adults all have a common thread.  The hero, living a sad or oppressed life, finds out that he is actually special somehow and belongs someplace else more exciting than where he is.  Wherever he ends up, he is wanted and needed.  Think about it.  The Harry Potter series where Harry finds that he is not a sad loser but is, in fact, a powerful wizard with friends who want and love him.  The Star Wars saga where Luke makes lifelong friends (robots, Wookies, lovable scoundrels, etc) learns the ways of The Force and becomes a powerful Jedi (like his father).  The Chronicles of Narnia where Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy escape to a magical land where they become kings and queens and leave behind their dull and mundane lives.  The list goes on and on with the Twilight series, Spiderman, The Lord of the Rings and The Last Starfighter.   Ok, that last one sucked but it still used the same formula.  Lonely and meek + supernatural encounter = belonging.

Science fiction and, by extension, robots and space toys allowed me to become that special and exciting hero instead of a poor kid wearing thrift store clothes and Trax tennis shoes from K-mart.   The lifelong attachment to “the escape” is proportionate to how bad the situation was at the time that escape was discovered and utilized.  I’m pretty sure that’s what happened in my case.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t physically abused or homeless or anything like that.  But things sucked pretty bad at times and science fiction was where I went…a lot.  It became part of me.  It made an imprint. 

So, jump ahead 34 years and here I am.  I love hitting the gym.  I like hot chicks.  I’m an Arizona Cardinals freak.  I was in a fraternity.  And I’m a geek.  I couldn’t change even if I wanted to.  And I don’t want to.  I love getting excited at the prospect of a new “Serenity” movie or explaining to people which scene in Star Trek “Generations” my uniform appeared in.  You want to discuss the size of the universe and the likelihood of life on other planets within or beyond our own galaxy?  I’m so there.  In fact, I’m getting a little worked up as I type this.  I’m serious.  I love that shit.

We talked a little about “boy” part.  Now here’s the “man” part.  There are reasons I got into the gym and competitive bodybuilding.  Of course, like most guys, it started out with a desire to become more attractive to the opposite sex (ironically, the same sex was way more interested).  I’m not gonna lie to you though, it also came from growing up a smaller kid that was bullied and wanting to be able to beat the shit out of those bullies should the need arise.  And don’t think, for a moment, that there isn’t an abundance of adult bullies out there as well.  In retrospect though, it wasn’t my size as much as it was my personality that made me a target.  I was a pseudo-smart kid.  What that means is that my parents thought I was smarter than my peers and was labeled as “gifted”.  Now, as a fully formed Man-Boy I can see that this was complete bullshit.  I was fairly creative and was slightly above average in the smarts department but, until adulthood, I never understood what working hard and studying meant and why those things were important.  Creativity and intelligence are worth crap-ola if you don’t work to develop them.  My parents thought I was better than everyone else and I guess I kind of did too.  Boy, oh boy did that catch up with me academically starting around the 7^th grade.  It also had a lot to do with why other kids didn’t really dig me all that much and to be honest, I can understand it a bit now.  It was the ones who were cruel that really made life tough though.  I can forgive a few of the people from back then but not the cruel ones.  Fuck them.

But a few good things came out of those bad experiences.  One of those things is empathy.  I remember, a few years ago, I was in a crowded parking lot at a Scottsdale shopping mall with my wife.  We were frustrated at not being able to find a parking spot and I was starting to lose my temper.  Finally, a spot opened up, I made a dash for it and scored but I honestly didn’t notice a guy had been patiently waiting for it.  As we were getting out of the car he rolled his window down and told me that he had been waiting for that spot.  He was clearly irritated and a little angry (he had every right) but still remained somewhat respectful.  Hearing the irritation in his voice, I immediately went into battle mode (Shields up!  Red alert!) and went to confront him.  Bear in mind that, at this point in time, I was weighing about 220 pounds at 5’8’’ tall and was in competition shape.  He clearly did not want to start shit but, to his credit, politely held his ground.  In the back of my mind a light went on.  Was I now the bully?  If I wasn’t then I was getting pretty damn close to becoming one.  So I lowered my voice and said “look man, I really don’t want to get into it with you over a parking spot.  It’s not worth it.  I’ll move my car because you were here first.”  At that point he thanked me several times for being a decent person.  It felt great to be nice, I avoided being a huge dick, and I reminded myself that I’m trying to be the good guy.  However, had he stolen my spot and told me to fuck off…

So, how did the geek get into the bodybuilder’s clothing?  Well, many people have fond memories of certain toys, games or movies from their childhood.  But they felt secure enough while growing up that these things remain only memories.  They enjoyed those things but they didn’t need them.  In other words they grew up fully.  I grew up too but parts of me didn’t and never will.  I guess there might be something to that hippy-dippy “inner-child” shit but it’s more complex than that.  It’s more powerful than that too.  And saying “inner-child” makes me want to puke.  So, although I still can’t let go of some of the things that happened to me earlier in life (I’m trying though.  Really, I am) I’m grateful for what I got in return.  I enjoy being able to switch from discussing what the Cardinals will do during free agency to arguing about how many times Data used contractions throughout the 7 seasons of Star Trek TNG.  I know what the correct response to “Peace and long life” is.   I don’t think Starbuck was a Cylon.  My iPhone’s ringtone is a CIC sound effect from the Galactica. 

Deep down, I’m a sci-fi geek.  And I know that will never change.  And I’m glad.  Now I need to go hit the gym so I can get home before the Ebay auction for the “Enterprise” Comm Panel is over.

Live long and prosper. 

 

9 Reasons Why Monkeys Are Cool and Other Clever Blog Titles

I decided to start a blog because it seems like all the cool kids are doing it. 

Well, that and the fact that I have a few things that I’d like to share with you over the next year or two.  If I’m lucky, and I actually get the hang of this, it could get pretty interesting.  I will try to keep this from becoming an “Andy’s Random Thoughts” blog as I’m pretty sure no one really gives a shit about my Random Thoughts and the internet is already littered with thousands of posts like “9 Reasons Why Monkeys Are Cool” or “When I Was a Kid I Found a Nickel”.  My goal is to be interesting, maybe a little entertaining, and honest.  I’ve always felt that anyone, and I mean anyone could have a best selling book if they were completely forthright about their life, thoughts, opinions and families.  Getting a good look into someone’s noggin, with no filter in the way, would be fascinating and probably a little scary.  But we love that, don’t we?  I don’t know if I’m going to go that far, but I’ll give it a shot.  I just don’t want to hurt anyone or piss my wife off.  Mostly the latter.

I just put on some Joe Jackson so let’s get some stuff out of the way now that I’m in the mood. 

What compels me to write this?  I said I would be honest so here it is: Wil Wheaton.  Yeah, that Wil Wheaton.  The guy who played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek The Next Generation (one of my favorite shows/pastimes along with all kinds of sci-fi, but we’ll get to that later).  Now hold on, hear me out.  Although I was vaguely aware that Mr. Wheaton was a blogger and writer I never really took the time to check his stuff out.  A couple of weeks ago I was feeling all Star Trek-y and, while searching for cool geeky stuff to read and watch, I happened upon www.wilwheaton.net.  I started browsing and found myself really engrossed in the archives of his early writing.  What really grabbed me was how honest he is about what he was going through when his career was stalled.  It’s fascinating reading and it strikes me how similar he and I are when dealing with rejection and despondency.  Yes, that’s a bit dramatic but it was real.  Before, it was easy to see him as that “washed up actor” from Trek and enjoy a little schadenfreude but, after reading through his blog, I understand how frustrated and dejected he had become.  He beat himself up much the same way I often do.  I also got to see the evolution of his career in the last decade or so and how he re-invented himself with his writing and acting.  Through it all he became successful again and it was inspiring.  Shut up.  I know you’re thinking, “Wesley Crusher from Star Trek inspired you?”  Well, yeah, Wil Wheaton did.  Wesley Crusher is kind of a weenie however.  I recommend you check out his books or blog.  Maybe you’ll see what I’m talking about, maybe you won’t.  Now, I’m not an actor trying to get his career back on track (although I did act and still want to again but that’s for another time) but trying to be successful, happy and take care of your family are things a lot of us can relate to.  He is able to articulate what I’ve felt like off and on for years. 

Ok, Anita and Emily (wife and daughter, respectively) got home from swimming an hour and a half ago so I took a dinner break.  Now, I’m pissed off at myself.  During my break I found myself already wondering if publishing this, or any blog, is such a good idea, worried about what some people I know might think (including family members).  Well, if you’re reading this it was, indeed, published (duh).  And the future me, the me at the time you’re actually reading this now, is probably wondering what the fuck I was thinking and why did I hit the “publish” button?  This is what goes on in my head and is, ironically, why I’m writing a blog.

So, I suppose I’ll be covering the same stuff a billion other bloggers cover: My career, hobbies, family, etc.  Don’t let that scare you away though.  Although I will be telling you about myself, I promise to do my best to keep this from turning into an autobiography and resume.  Maybe I can explain what I’m after this way:  Have you ever noticed when you’re looking at old family photographs, what’s really interesting isn’t necessarily the subject of the photo?  For example, your family might have been out hiking 30 years ago or so.  Maybe they took some pictures of a cactus or something like that and, most likely, a picture of family members.  Now, you’re looking at that old photo but you’re not focusing on the members of the family or the scenery, you’re looking at that awesome Micronauts figure you had clutched in your hand!  “Holy shit!  Remember that?  Wow, I wish I had a better shot of that!  Totally forgotten until now!”  It could be anything: the old car your family had, a favorite t-shirt you were wearing (like the one with the Stormtrooper riding a Dewback), or a forgotten but loved toy.  Sometimes the tale isn’t about what actually happened, it’s what you thought and felt at the time.  Those details can change the depth and perspective of a story by a huge factor.  That’s what I’m shooting for with this blog.

So, I guess I will have to get a little autobiographical because I’m going to write from experience. I currently work in the legal industry as a trial consultant which puts me in courtrooms all over the country, sometimes for weeks or even months on end.  Some really interesting shit happens occasionally so you’ll probably get to hear about some of that.  The names and places will be changed to protect the blah, blah, blah of course.  Oh, and by the way, not all lawyers are dicks.  I said not ALL lawyers.

I worked in radio for a long time as a voice-over guy and DJ (professionally), I competed in bodybuilding (not professionally), I played keyboards in a touring band (barely professionally), I acted on stage (I think I had to pay them), I collect vintage tin toy robots, and I was a Top Gun fighter pilot.  Ok, not the last one.  I actually throw up on airplanes.  But the rest is true and I’ll be talking about those experiences as well and what was going on with my head when shit was bad.  Or good.  Or just was.

So, although I do want you to see that family in the hiking trip photo and look at the scenery, what we’re really going to focus on is that toy, clutched in one hand, and understand that that was what was really going on when the shutter clicked.  That is really the story.

There you have it.  My first ever blog.  Please be kind.  I’m still feeling my way around and will hopefully soon settle into something more coherent and digestible.  I should get better with practice.  My goal is to have subject consistency and to talk about things that are interesting to both of us without being self-indulgent.  But, right now, I’m just happy to be here.